[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

life was not my own. Only I could bring peace. I was condemned to live.
During the night something else occurred to me, and I asked to see
Makoto before he left. I was worried about the records that Kaede had
taken to Shirakawa with her. If I was to live, I wanted to have them
back in my possession before winter began. For I had to spend the long
months in planning the summers strategy; those of my enemies who
remained would not hesitate to use the Tribe against me. I felt I would
have to leave Hagi in the spring and impose my rule over the Three
Countries, maybe even set up my headquarters in Inuyama
and make it my capital. It made me smile half-bitterly, for its name
means Dog Mountain, and it was as if it had been waiting for me.
I told Makoto to take Hiroshi with him. The boy would show him where
the records were hidden. I could not suppress the fluttering hope that
Kaede would be at Shirakawa--that Makoto would somehow bring her back
to me.
They returned on a bitterly cold day nearly two weeks later. I saw they
were alone, and disappointment nearly overcame me. They were also
empty-handed.
"The old woman who guards the shrine would give the records to no one
but you," Makoto said. "I'm sorry, I could not persuade her otherwise."
Hiroshi said eagerly, "We will go back. I will go with Lord Otori."
"Yes, Lord Otori must go," Makoto said. He seemed to be going to speak
again but then fell silent.
"What?" I prompted him.
He was looking at me with a strange expression of compassion and pure
affection. "We will all go," he said. "We will learn once and for all
if there is any news of Lady Otori."
I longed to go yet feared it would be a useless journey and that it was
too late in the year. "We run the risk of being caught by the snow," I
said. "I had planned to winter in Hagi."
"If the worse comes to the worst, you can stay in Terayama. I am going
there on the way back. I will be staying there, for I can see my time
with you is drawing to a close."
"You are going to leave me? Why?"
"I feel I have other work to do. You have achieved all that I set out
to help you with. I am being called back to the temple."
Page 190
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
I was devastated. Was I to lose everyone I loved? I turned away to hide
my feelings.
"When I thought you were dying, I made a vow," Makoto went on. "I
promised the Enlightened One that if you lived, I would devote my life
to your cause in a different way. I've fought and killed alongside you
and I would do it gladly all over again. Except that it solves nothing,
in the end. Like the weasel's dance, the cycle of violence goes on and
on."
His words rang in my ears. They were exactly what had pounded in my
brain while I was delirious.
"You talked in your fever about your father and about the command of
the Hidden, to take no one's life. As a warrior, it's hard for me to
understand, but as a monk it is a command that I feel I must try and
follow. I vowed that night that I would never kill again. Instead, I
will seek peace through prayer and meditation. I left my flutes
at Terayama to take up weapons. I will leave my weapons here and go back
for them."
He smiled slightly. "When I speak the words, they sound like madness. I
am taking the first step only on a long and difficult journey, but it
is one I must make."
I said nothing in reply. I pictured the temple at Terayama where
Shigeru and Takeshi were buried, where I had been sheltered and
nurtured, where Kaede and I had been married. It lay in the center of
the Three Countries, the physical and spiritual heart of my land and my
life. And from now on Makoto would be there, praying for the peace I
longed for, always upholding my cause. He would be one person, like a
tiny splash of dye in a huge vat, but I could see the color spreading
over the years, the blue-green color that the word peace always
summoned up for me. Under Makoto's influence the temple would become a
place of peace, as its founder had intended it to be.
"I am not leaving you," he said gently. "I will be with you in a
different way."
I had no words to express my gratitude: He had understood my
conflict completely and in this way was taking the first steps to
resolve it. All I could do was thank him and let him go.
Kenji, supported tacitly by Chiyo, argued strongly against my decision
to travel, saying I was asking for trouble by undertaking such a
journey before I was fully recovered. I felt better every day and my
hand had mostly healed, though it still pained me and I still felt my
phantom fingers. I grieved for the loss of all my dexterity and tried
to accustom my left hand to the sword and the brush, but at least I
held a horse's reins in that hand and I thought I was well enough to
ride. My main concern was that I was needed in the reconstruction of
Hagi, but Miyoshi Kahei and his father assured me they could manage
without me. Kahei and the rest of my army had been delayed with Makoto
by the earthquake but were unharmed by it. Their arrival had greatly
increased our forces and hastened the town's recovery. I told Kahei to
send messages as soon as possible to Shuho, to invite the master
carpenter Shiro and his family back to the clan.
In the end Kenji gave in and said, despite the considerable pain of his
broken ribs, he would of course accompany me, since I'd shown myself
Page 191
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
unable to deal with Kotaro alone. I forgave him his sarcasm, glad to
have him with me, and we took Taku as well, not wanting to leave him
behind while he was so low in spirits. He and Hiroshi squabbled as
usual, but Hiroshi had grown more patient andTaku less arrogant and I
could see a true friendship was developing between them. I also took as
many men as we could spare from the town and left them in groups along
the road to help rebuild the stricken villages and farms. The
earthquake had cut a swath from north to south and we followed its
line. It was close to midwinter; despite the loss and destruction, [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]