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minutes. Didn't you think of one?"
"Extend the ramp," said Samantha.
I unlatched the metal ramp and Roger and I pushed it out to its full length.
It scraped against the pavement with a sound even more hideous than the smell
of burning flesh.
"This isn't going to work," Roger insisted. "Even without the fall, if we hit
the pavement going this fast we'll be killed!"
"We can't stay in here!" I gestured to the burning corpses. Where the hell
was Helen when I needed a limo to leap upon?
One of the corpses exploded behind us, causing several others to drop to the
floor.
"This whole truck could blow up!" Samantha shouted.
"We can get off this thing," I said. "We just need some kind of padding."
"What kind of padding?" Roger asked.
I looked at the corpses strapped to the wall.
Roger shook his head."Oh, no way!"
I stood up and unhooked the corpse of a heavyset male with crossbows for
hands and numerous wires protruding from his skin. "You look for some fluffy
pillows. I'll take down the dead guy."
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Instead of arguing, Roger helped me take down the corpse. "Oh, jeez, this
isgonna be sick."
"At least they're not maggoty."
"Shut up. I mean it."
"Samantha, Goblin is hanging up on the other side. Try to tear off his feet."
"Say what?"
"They're wheels! Do it!"
Samantha nodded and left, scooting along on her knees.
"This is wrong on so many levels," said Roger, as we released the body. It
fell to the floor, landing on its belly. Pushing as hard as we could, we
managed to shove it to the ramp.
"Here they are." Samantha handed me Goblin's foot-wheels. I slammed one of
the bloody spikes between the heavyset corpse's shoulder blades and another
into its lower back.
"We need more," I said, pointing to one of the fallen corpses. "That one has
wheels, too."
Roger hurried over to it and tried to pry off the feet. "They won't come off!
There's a metal band around them!" He glanced around and lifted the arm of
another corpse. Its hand was a hacksaw. "You probably don't want to see this."
Moments later he returned. I pulled the meat off the wheels and tossed it
aside, and then slammed the next two spikes into the corpse's back.
Another explosion, this one spraying us extremely well.
The semi swerved violently and dangling burning corpse legs just narrowly
missed my head.
"Let's turn him over!" Roger, Samantha, and I all turned the corpse onto its
back, and then maneuvered it over to the top of the ramp, head-first. It
didn't roll easily.
"No way in hell is this going to work," said Roger.
"It'll be fine," I insisted. "We'll just all hold on tight and go for a ride.
You take the front, Roger."
Roger climbed onto the corpse and sat on its chest.
"Oh, God ... oh, God..." he said. "I can think ofso many things I'd rather be
doing right now."
The semi swerved again, and Samantha and I momentarily lost our hold on the
corpse.
It was long enough. The corpse rolled down the ramp as Roger frantically
turned himself around and tried to reach for my arm.
"Shiiiiiit!" he cried, as the corpse rolled off the ramp and onto the
freeway. Two of the wheels immediately went flying in opposite directions.
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Roger pressed himself down against the body as it slid across the pavement,
its head bouncing up and down and its arms flapping.
The other two wheels popped out from underneath the corpse, but it continued
to slide. Roger remained on top.
As the corpse slowed and we sped away, I saw that Roger was going to be fine.
Samantha and I were still screwed, though.
"Y'know, call me optimistic, but I think Corpse Surfing is going to be the
next big fad to sweep the nation," I said.
Samantha gaped at me.
"It worked, though, didn't it?" I asked. "Let's just find anothercyborg and
some more wheels and get the hell out of here, too!"
The semi turned slightly as we took an exit. This could either be really good
or really bad, depending on whether or not Mr. Burke decided to slow down to a
reasonable speed or to just plow through everything doing seventy.
Since I didn't detect any reduction in speed, it appeared the latter was
going to be the case.
"If we die," said Samantha, "I want you to know I've always felt you were a
really great person. Roger is lucky to have you as a friend."
"I've always felt the same way about you, too," I said, somewhat annoyed that
my potential final words on this earth had to be a little white lie.
We took down another corpse. This one wasn't as big as the first and was
unlikely to provide as much padding, but we had to make do with what we had.
With the thick smoke and dangerous flames, we also wouldn't be finding any
more wheels.
There was a huge jolt as the semi smashed through something. A moment later I
saw it had been a thick wooden fence.
The pavement turned to grass.
The semi began to slow down.
We were saved! Even without a handy corpse for protection, we certainly could
handle a jump onto grass. What were a few more bumps, bruises, and open wounds
at this point?
I saw Mr. Burke rolling on the grass, obviously having leapt out of the
vehicle. That probably wasn't good.
Another huge jolt.
Suddenly our view of the grass became a view of the clear blue sky as the
semi tilted at a forty-five degree angle.
Chapter Twenty-Six
SAMANTHA AND I SLID to the front of the semi, past the burning bodies, and
smacked into the wall. The ramp dropped back into its chute with a loud crash.
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The tilt of the semi increased. We hurriedly pressed ourselves into the
corner as the burning bodies that had fallen slid down the floor toward us. I
held on to the leg of the corpse strapped to the wall next to me and kicked
the bodies away from us.
"It'sokay, no problem," I said. "We're just hanging over a cliff or
something."
The dangling corpses above us swung violently back and forth, and burning
debris fluttered down on us. It hurt to look up through the smoke and I
launched into a fit of uncontrollable coughing. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]