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Have to do better than this.
I shook her again, more firmly. "Wake up, now."
Her mumbie turned into a whimper. I worried that she might have taken one
of Beldon's sleeping draughts. Damnation if she had.
"Wake up!" A more fierce whisper.
"No," she moaned, drawing it out into a near whine. "No, Papa."
"Come on." I shook her again, trying to break her from her dream.
"Please, no, Papa. Don't."
"Mother .. . wake up!"
Her eyes flew wide and she gasped and shrank from me. I hadn't known what
to expect when I woke her, but not this. Not this kind of shock, not thi
s kind of naked fear. My God, what had she been dreaming about?
"What?" The last shreds of sleep tore away from her puffy eyes. They sharp
ened, cutting into me. "What are you doing here?"
Such was the force of her question and my ingrained habit of obedience that
I nearly wasted time answering her. But I caught myself and said, "Quiet.
You will be quiet, Mother."
Our eyes were locked together. That was what was important.
"You "
"Quiet. . . and listen to me. You will listen to me ..."
The fear, anger, hatred, outrage whatever it was that drove her eased instan
tly. It was frightening to see just how swiftly the change came over her, al
most like one of her fits, but reversed.
No wonder Father had thought of this acquired talent of mine as both a gift
and a curse and had asked me to use it sparingly, and so I had. For the most
part. Nora had used it often enough to protect herself, letting her conscie
nce guide her, and I'd taken that as a wise example to follow. Bullying Nash
into a more compassionate behavior did not seem to be an abuse of power, af
ter all, but what I was about to try now might be thought...
No. I would not start worrying about what people might think. Do that, and
I'd end up like Mother.
I'd once agreed with Father that to enforce my will and thoughts upon others
was not only ungentlemanly, but dishonorable. It had seemed so simple then
to do so. The right thing. One of the first ideas to occur to him was that I
might
be tempted to influence Mother into better behavior, and I'd all but given h
im my word that I would take no such action. Now as I stood here and stared
down at her empty eyes I felt shamed over having to betray his trust.
But what I was doing was right. It had to be right.
The agreement we'd made so easily last summer did not cover this threat, had
never even considered it. I wasn't doing this for any other reason than to pr
otect him, but then I wasn't planning to tell him about it, either. Out of co
nsiderations of honor, he might forbid me to do anything.
Damnation, again. I was becoming like Mother: for I was doing this for Fat
her's own good, without his permission.
So be it, I thought wearily. For peace in the family and out of love for my fat
her, so be it.
I straightened, resumed looking into Mother's eyes, and began to speak.
Days and nights passed and nothing happened, thank God. Responding unk
nowingly to my influence, Mother did what was asked of her, which was
to do nothing.
I'd kept it to the absolute minimum, making the brief and simple request tha
t she should not attempt to hurt or harm Father ever again. Once assured tha
t she understood completely, I suggested that she forget my intrusion, but n
ot her promise, and to go to back to sleep. After a moment, when I stopped f
eeling so unsettled, I put out the candles, carefully returned them to where
I'd found them, picked up the one I'd brought, and left.
Without, the hall, rooms, the whole house had been as silent after as before.
A listening silence, said my guilty fancy, but I was safe enough from discov
ery.
Depending on one's conscience, guilt can be eased by the passage of time, an
d to my surprise, I found my conscience to be rather more flexible than I'd
thought at least in this matter. As one night succeeded another without furt
her incident, I began to see that what I'd done had been the right action to
 take. The only drawback was not being able to speak of it to the others.
It would have helped them to know that their worries were over, but it seemed
best to let things run on as usual. Not that I was indifferent to their conc
ern; I offered reassurance when it was needed, but kept my mouth shut the res
t of the
time. After a while, life gradually relaxed back to normal. Or something c
lose to it. Father resumed taking tea with us and ceased looking so dubiou
s when presented with his evening meal. Elizabeth, distracted by Norwood,
left off drifting along in Mother's wake whenever the woman left a room al
one. Jericho and Archimedes stopped their searches for laudanum, though th
ey continued to keep a sharp eye on Mother during any gatherings with food
or drink.
Beldon remained watchful, though. Frustrated perhaps by Father forbidding
him to ask questions, he'd continued to keep an eye on Mother as much as h
e could.
"I feel badly about this, Mr. Barrett," he confided to me one night not long
after. "My carelessness was inexcusable. It shall not be repeated."
"Hardly your fault, sir. How could you have known? Or even anticipated?"
"But I should have." He touched the pocket where he kept the new keys to
his medicine box and room. "Nevermore."
"Then surely there's no reason to feel bad."
He offered me a bleak look. "There is should your Mother decide to make a
nother attempt, by another means."
I retained my serious face. "What is open to her, then?"
"There are a number of hunting arms in the house, some pistols, and you know
that Lord James has quite a little collection of his own."
"You hardly need worry over that. Mother knows nothing about the loading o
r shooting of firearms. You have to know what you're doing to get them to
work properly, and she doesn't."
That brought him a measure of solace, for it was entirely true. We had the
arms and powder and shot at hand and ready to use because of the roughnes
s of the times. With rebel raiders threatening to swoop upon us ready to c
ommit common robbery under the thin guise of patriotism, Father had taken
pains to augment his cache of guns over the months. However, it was imprac
tical to leave them lying around loaded, as the powder might become too da
mp to fire. He did make certain that everyone in the house from Elizabeth
to the scullery boy knew how to load and shoot, though. Everyone but Mothe
r, who claimed to despise the noise and mess, and did her best to make a v
irtue of her willful ignorance. I think she may have regretted her attitud
e, for Lady Caroline turned out to be a most
enthusiastic shootist, setting a good example for the rest of the ladies to foll
ow.
"What other means of mayhem might she turn to?" I asked Beldon.
"A push down the stairs?" he hazarded, then shrugged sheepishly. "I know,
I'm probably worried over nothing, but I am very fond of your family and s
hould bitterly regret any harm that might come to them. Your father was un
commonly generous in taking my sister and me in and allowing us to stay."
That, of course, had been Mother's idea, for this was her house, not Father
's, but in truth, Father had come to welcome their company, Mrs. Hardinbroo
k as a buffer against Mother, and Beldon as a physician . . . and friend. I
was reluctant to admit that, unwilling to relinquish my first impression o
f the man: that of a self-serving toad-eater. But though he often fell into
that habit, especially around people like Norwood, he'd ceased to do so wi
th our family. Perhaps some of our own honesty with one another (with the e
xception of Mother) had made a favorable impression upon him.
"We're all grateful for your presence, Doctor, and for your concern, but thi
ngs are well in hand now."
He looked skeptical. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]